Saturday, April 5, 2014

In love with this life.



I sneak glances over my shoulder. I return to old journals. I often wonder what if... we all do it.

A former love told me that he deleted every single thing I sent to him: photos, messages, email... And I thought, just like that, can we truly erase someone from our hearts? I don't think so. There is residual. I can choose to let it coat me with anger and bitterness, or transform by sprouting new wings to fly out of the fog into clarity.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”Pema Chödrön
This also happened to me in high school (several decades ago!). Someone I dated put everything I ever gave him or that we collected together into a box and put it on my doorstep. At first it was shocking. I believe he thought he'd hurt me by demonstrating his desire to cut me from his life. Then I realized, his clearing out was healthy and OK. His way of processing and moving onward. We didn't need those keepsakes to remind of what we became or how we transformed as a result of our relationship.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” Pema Chödrön
I have known great love and believe I will know it again. I realize I do not have to hold on to the past in order to create an abundant future.

I'm not looking back anymore. Just keeping my gaze on the horizon. Open to what may come. In love with this life.
Love life, engage in it, give it all you’ve got. Love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.
Maya Angelou

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