Thursday, April 4, 2013

love is not what you want, it is what you are.

"moon is always shining, makes our shadow's small"

I got up before my alarm, dressed and took Eddie, the sweetest dog and newest family member, out for a walk in the dark. The moon was just a sliver in the sky, and I could already see hints of the morning all around me. The day seemed as if it were about to crack open like an egg and reveal some kind of new secret... 

With pen in hand, journal under my pillow, ink all over my forearms, my reading glasses hidden in the sheets, and son number #1 next to me, I woke up this morning and thought, today is the best day of my life. 

No particular reason. Just tired of waking up every morning, thinking, my god, is it already time to get up?  

Later, taking the dog for walk #2, I called my mother and a former lover to tell them I love them. Not sure what that says about me, thinking of them in the same breath but none the less with thoughts of how this is my best day, I want everyone to know that they are loved. 

We are both shadow and light. There is a balance. I've been standing in my own darkness waiting for love. I suppose enlightenment happens after the age of 40 because I've only recently realized the fact that if I want to receive love, I have to be love, not just give it. With no expectation of it returning to me. 
"...love is not what you want, it is what you are.It is very important to not get these two confused.
If you think that love is what you want,you will go searching for it all over the place.If you think love is what you are, you will go sharing itall over the place." ~Neale Donald Walsch

With that, I am dedicating today to accomplishing copious amounts of work and play and finding joy in the accomplishments. Sometimes I just need to get out of my head, comparisons and out of my own damn way to see the brilliance of the moon rather than the shadow that falls. 

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