Saturday, June 16, 2012

Thailand, a healing expedition

Last year my journey to Thailand was a healing expedition. My goal was to learn the beautiful art of Thai Massage and in the process I began to let go of my past and uncover a path that both revealed and liberated the fragments of myself that I had kept hidden for so long.

A friend I met last year in Thailand sent me Buddhist prayer right before my return trip. Her timing was perfect, as I had unresolved things pop up yet again like berating myself when things did not go well or when I have not met someone's expectations. Or even feeling bad for taking this journey so far from my children and loved ones. With these negative emotions and circumstances, I'm constantly thinking about and interpreting my internal voice and allowing it to perceive a situation not as it really is but how I think it is. And, even when I know I shouldn't, I take these things that happen deeply to heart. 

A question that keeps returning over and over in different incarnations is "am I living a whole-hearted life?" "Am I doing what I love and moving toward my own beauty right now?" Life is moment by moment and so precious. How can I live any other way than with the knowledge that it is here and now, not later or one day? 

My Thailand journey this time feels so different. Still healing but no longer pushed along by fear of the unknown, I'm emerging on a new path. Beginning to find my way but now with a reborn view and a deep forgiveness of myself. Navigating a whole hearted life has opened me up to become vulnerable to love. That love has allowed me to bloom.

"And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."~ Anais Nin 

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