Wednesday, March 21, 2012

the experience of the mysterious.

"once the wings dry they can fly"-Andrew
Yoga is often called the science of the soul. Over the past decade, I've come to my own understanding of this connection in life and in nature. My kindergartener came home with the drawing of a ladybug which lead to a somewhat philosophical discussion on the birth, life and death of this insect.  
When they hatch, their bodies are covered with a film that keeps them from flying until suddenly dry, they can soar. I wonder when my wings will dry? During their 3-6 week life span they eat more than 5000 bugs to delight of farmers. I'm not that productive in 3-6 years of my own life! 
"The most beautiful experience we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." -- Albert Einstein 
To finally experience flight, I felt the responsibility to be open to the serendipity of life. Discovering a sacred awe, however mysterious, is to acknowledge the Divine within you and me. That to me is the deeper meaning of Namaste. The joining of the known and unknown and seeing it's reflection in others. As spring opens up, the mystery of the magnificent inside gives me a renewed appreciation for the beauty of my own life regardless of my inability to soar most of the time. It's brilliance is my own likeness and grants me the wings to soar. 
I'm just finding my wings now, and I can tell you once they dried I felt a lightness and freedom that enabled me to "experience the mysterious".
"God writes spiritual Mysteries on our heart,where they wait silently for discovery." - Rumi

Thursday, March 15, 2012

LOVE, in all caps.

"LOVE, in all caps - is always abundant and usually adamant. It's striking and curious and often not at all what we originally make of it. It's stifling and agonizing. It's without any ideal definition or form and yet, it always seems to feel like one very simple and specific thing. It feels right. It feels good and it feels impossible."- Unknown, Daytrotter Writer

There is uneasy dialog in my head that sounds like a nagging wife. She is perpetually seeking to my mask flaws. She scrutinizes my reflection in the mirror, comparing and judging my body. I imagine that all eyes are on me and what I cannot do. But as I glance around, I realize I am hallucinating again. No one is actually looking at me.

I suddenly recognize that I've invited my bulging ego and her nagging wife to the party, and I stop. A soothing voice begins to wash over me. It's one I recognize. She's the grandmother of the nagging wife. The voice of wisdom, she is love. I can hear her in the teachings and affirmations of my teacher, the loyal reassurance of my friends, and more often than not lately in melodic tones of some of my favorite songs. She's my soul-keeper who reminds me what it is to love myself and to be loved. 

My practice reveals areas within me that require growth. (A strong understatement.) When I work in pairs or in groups there is no hiding flaws. My ability to support someone is clear from the moment they pour their weight onto my feet. I feel vulnerable. The need to be open and reopened foams at the surface of my thoughts.

"If you are afraid of courting change, you will stay safe but closed to life."- E Lesser 

I've been resisting change lately which only seems to make the evolution of my life exhausting. How do I learn to stand in the midst of change, pain, or what feels like rejection and still be open and receptive to what comes? Life should be a spiritual practice rooted in love. 

"Partings are inherent in all meetings. All relationships eventually end. Know this truth and love fiercely right now."-J Lasater

Today I am  not fighting her voice. I'm sitting in the midst of what is happening and allowing it to shape me and bathing in the knowledge that love is stronger than the legs I base with and not dependent on my skills on or off the mat. Knowing when I face my fears, there is nothing that I could go through that I cannot come through to the other side. Life intertwined with love is a spiritual practice. And, yes it feels good, if not impossible. 

"Consider the possibility that you are loved... very universally loved, and that the only change you need to make is to hear it." - E Warnicke