Eat Pray Love Part 1

In front of theatre before Eat Pray Love

I've blogged about parenting a lot... a whole lot. It's my life right now with young children, who still need me to help them do even the most basic things. They're not quite independent yet... although my 4 year old seems to think he can do everything on his own and has told me so since he began to talk at 1! My need to teach the boys how to do things on their own, and my desire to still mother them without trying to control their every move is challenging. The only way I know how not to project my own fears and worries on to them is to step back. Step away for a bit. Teaching, being with adults helps. Travel is refreshing, too. I have been bitten by wanderlust and have an insatable desire to travel and meet people and have these unique experiences.

If you've ever read the book The Mommy Wars... working mom's and stay at home mom's dialog about the trials of it all or even if you look at the media who fuel the fire of the debate... then, you might be interested in our conversation that unfolded over facebook, of all places. 

It began with a photo of friends going to see Eat Pray Love (which is a whole other blog topic! Would Liz's decision to leave her marriage have been different if she had children?) The FB conversation turned to a friend's comment about travel and my upcoming trip to India....

• 
  
  
   Me..eat pray love.
   "Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation"
• 
  
  
  H.. yes it is :)
• 
  
  
  M.. How was it??? Did you like it compared to the book?
• 
  
  
  Me...Book is a must. Movie is gorgeous. Come with me to India in November! Going with anand and puja.
  

    ·  1 person
• 
  
  
  M... When do you depart?? Yes, I read the book, but have not seen the movie yet. Don't want to stand in line!!
• 
  
  
  Me...
  

  India: nov 19- dec 1st. come!
  movie: no line tonight.: )
• 
  
  
  Friend in Malaysia...I am reading the book now. Fantasizing about having the freedom to travel.
  
• 
  
  
  Me.. set a goal... a date.. and go for it. I think if I thought someday, someday... then it would not happen. Your kids will be fine... in fact, I think my kids and I thrive more when I do go for short trips here and there. They appreciate mom, and I appreciate and love the time with them. I'm more focused and present when we're together.
• 
  
  
  L... yes, I found that too after a little time away and I realized how deeply grateful I am to be with my sons; and they definitely appreciated me more too!
  
• 
  
  
  S... When I started doing trainings, my husband became much closer to my daughters...but, there came a time where there were a few too many soccer games and weekend life events I was missing. Its nice to find a happy balance.
  
• 
  
  
  S... India in November will be great
  
• 
  
  
  M... Thanks for that. I agree... have to find a happy balance for sure! : )  am looking forward to the trip!
  
• 
  
  
  Y... Mel, I have always admired moms that could leave their little ones because I never could. Now when I notice that I have been married to my husband for 22 years, what is 18 years of my life for my little ones? My oldest will be leaving for College soon and now I am more glad than ever that I never left and still managed to build a career around them! Looking back at the precious moments of my life! Wow! Longer time with my husband than with my children!
  
• 
  
  
  H...We all have a different AUTHENTIC path in this life. I'm happy that you find peace and contentment in your walk. I would be careful about judging others' choices, and them following THEIR authentic journey. Children are aware-- and feel joy.
• 
  
  
  L...Y what you are saying sounds contrary, why say that admire moms who leave their little ones and then say you are so glad you never left yours? My son left for College last year and our close relationship has never changed. The few times I did leave him with his dad or Grandparents I always noticed that it strengthened his bond to them. I think it was a benefit to him since I understood and anticipated his needs so well he didn’t need as much from them. I found the opportunity to be alone with others increased the depth of his relationship with them.
• 
  
  
  Y...Not not contradictory, at least not for me. I admire because it takes strength (at least for me) to give my children room to grow and leaving them. Admire, because I couldn't do it then because I lacked inner strength. Admire, because I never had the chance to leave them with a grandparent. Admire, because I now see what I could have done if I had learned earlier in my life how to balance my mothering with my life. I can now leave them without guilt. I have found the "balance". But now that I do see them closer to leaving my nest, I see it was my need and also the fact we didn't have family. Would it have been different if grandparents had been around? I wonder. I didn't mean to offend anyone because I do admire all of you who were able to do something I could not.
  
• 
  
  
  L...Having someone you trust is very important, my second child didn’t have the opportunity since my mom had passed while he was young. He does have trips with his dad and they come back with interesting stories, dads are different than moms of course. Having my oldest son going to college was very difficult for me I really felt upset at his leaving. The surprise I found was that we remained close even though I didn’t hear from him as much as I would want. Funny part at the end of the school year my biggest thought was I made it through the year. I checked on him a lot over the summer since I felt happy he was in the house. Now sophomore year and I feel much better I will miss him immensely but I ok with him going. A big maturity on my part. To balance being a mom and truly taking care of ourselves is not a simple lesson, still working on it everyday.
• 
  
  
  Me...Wow, morning ya'll! You were busy dialoging while I was... well, a joke about being with my son, tucking him in bed while ya'll were on FB seems inappropriate. ; ) But if you know me, you know I'm just teasing. Right, I know each of you... and isn't it great that we all have a different path. And, from the wisdom of our years thus far, we can make the best choices for our kids. Y- you have grown so much in your journey-- I know right where you are coming from. H & L... I also know where you are and how much sacrifice you each have made... ALL of us have made in our own lives for our children. 

  Parenting really does refine you in ways you never dreamed! Isn't it beautiful that have this shared passion for yoga and understanding, and we all care so deeply...
  For me, in my life right now, I have had to stop wishing things were different... in my marriage, with my children, everything... and start choosing based upon what is best for my life right now. Love you all! Thanks for caring so much!! xxoo
• 
  
  
  L...Humor is great, kids leaving the nest brings a lot of contemplation. I hope I am more comfortable for the second child to go..... but I am starting to have desires for a grandchild!!! That is a really strange feeling lol!

We are so passionate about our children. Is it the guilt and regret that we tend to carry on our shoulders? For me, I've had to release the guilt and apply what I know to be true about parenting...that I really don't know what I'm doing... I'm just learning as I go. And, I have so much to learn. My kids teach me more than I want to learn at times.  Realizing I don't have to control every thing.  Maybe, just maybe, they will come away with knowing just how deeply loved they are, knowing what amazing kids they are, and that if they wait (release the temptation of instant gratification) and have a teachable spirit.. all good things will come.

All good things will come. Mom's what do you think? Yoga and parenting... possible to apply it off the mat?