Recently I had a friend comment that she was going to start weeding out some friendships that she felt were unhealthy or bringing her down. Why is it women tend to feel that we should keep on plugging away at relationships that harm our spirits? For me this is a tough one because I am a connector... I love writing letters (the real kind that require stamps, on beautiful stationary or a lovely card), emailing a newsy note to a friend, texting just to "check in" or even calling a friend I haven't spoken with in ages for no reason at all but to just tell them how much I value them.
|Boulder sky, like a living breath|
The best lessons I've learned about friendship, is that you have to be a friend to keep one. I've tried to keep friendships alive, probably longer than I should have, where I thought I really connected with the person. But, for whatever reason, they don't call, or even return my calls. I've even been guilty of doing that to someone else. For whatever reason, we're all so busy these days.... Are we all so over scheduled trying to fill our need for love and connection through activities that we miss out on some real, genuine relationships? The funny thing about being busy is that often people think I am so busy that I don't have time for them. (See blog earlier this week on how I cut 7 classes-- I'm hoping I will improve and no longer give off the, I'm so busy vibe.)
Here's something that's helped me lately sort out the importance of relationships in my life:
Can I love and respect that person as they are?
Can that person help me on my journey of growth and change?
Can I help them?
Do I want to?
Last weekend, I had the pleasure of taking Sadie Nardini's master class on her take on core yoga. I'm not at all sure I walked away with her intention of learning more about my core... however, a few subtle comments she said hit me hard enough to call a friend afterward and tell them it was "one of the best damn classes I've had in a while!" (And, if you know me, I don't use explicatives! So it must have been good! )
I've heard it before, but this time, this time I really heard it to mean something deeper when Sadie said: hold a pose 3 breathes longer than you want to. This week, I'm applying that "breathe 3" mentality to everything I'm doing, not just postures. "Boys, (3 breaths), please don't play ninja in the house." Adho Mukha Vrksasana (3 extra breaths). In my own marriage and friendships (3 breaths) then answering the questions above. 3 breaths more.