Friday, January 22, 2010

Respect

Within minutes of coming home to my brother's house last night, I failed my homework assignment. Had a long 30 minute conversation with my niece, (which for a teenager is an eternity!) about finances. Within 30 seconds, I found my motherly tone and began giving her that all too familiar advise. (Remember conversations with your mom at that age? It was like the scene in Charlie Brown with the teacher saying "wah, wah, wah", rolling of the eyes, no eye contact, sighing, and now texting while I'm talking to her?! We couldn't do that back then...) By the end, I was lecturing her on respect. I even quoted Judith (to make myself sound more authoritative which I'm sure I did to her teenage ears), saying "you can never show someone too much respect".

By then, the conversation was over. Well, I imagine the conversation ended even before it began. So this all brings me to the first homework assignment that Judith gave us on day one: "What is the greatest lie we tell ourselves?" For example, I will start that _____ on Monday. I will only take one bite. I will not yell. I will clean out that_____. I will call her later. I'll forgive when____. I will not try to convince anyone of anything because I know I am not always right. (Truthfully, we're never completely right!) You get the gist.

This must be one of my lies: I will listen, not lecture, nor give advise. My opinion does matter, and it is so important that everyone know how I feel because my way -- doing it my way-- can change lives! Can even change the world!! My way! Yikes.... a little too much me (ego or ahamkara).

The best part about a new day is the opportunity to begin again. I don't even have to wait for a new day- just this moment. Begin again. And again. again. And, observing where I am today and not judging myself for it. Realizing that I can have these feelings-- recognize my I-am-ness and still be true to who I am and at the same time, I can also soften the edges of myself by showing humility, not always feeling the need to express verbally those feelings, and practicing that communication mudra. Now what was that again? : )

To a new day,

Melissa

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